Communication With an Aging Parent

My widowed father prides himself on being independent. But during my recent visit I noticed his medications (he takes a number of them) scattered in different parts of the house. Some bottles were on the kitchen counter, others by his nightstand. I’m concerned he’s getting confused and could hurt himself, but I don’t know how to tell him this. Any suggestions?

Answer:
Almost half of adult children surveyed in a research project conducted by Home Instead Senior Care, Inc., expressed concern about their parent’s medication management. Other worries, according to the survey, include the parents’ finances, living alone, driving habits, their health and what plans they have for late life choices.

For many boomers, however, these are sensitive subjects to discuss with their aging parents, said communications expert, Dr. Jake Harwood who acknowledges such talks are especially difficult when the parent is still dealing with his or her grown child like a child, rather than as an adult. However, such conversations are important to initiate before a situation reaches a crisis stage.

To that end, Harwood, author of Understanding Communication and Aging, offers tips for conversation starters for sensitive senior subjects in a pamphlet published by Home Instead Senior Care titled The 40-70 Rule. (For a copy, call 954-505-7957.)

For the medication quagmire, Harwood suggests in the booklet, to begin the conversation with something casual like “How the heck do you keep all these pills straight, Dad?” If his response is sensible like the meds kept in the kitchen are those taken with meals, and the ones by his nightstand are what he takes at night – there’s no need to worry.

If, however, said Harwood, dad seems confused, the situation warrants attention. Offer to buy a pill organizer (available at pharmacies) and set up a week’s worth of meds to get him started. Check often to see if he’s doing OK. Be sensitive when talking to your dad as he may feel embarrassed and resistant to help.

Check your tone of voice, don’t nag. Approach it as a conversation, not as a scolding or lecture. Remember, he’s your dad, not your child.